By Mary Kay Scharf
As I contemplated a topic for today’s forum, I started thinking of what controversial issue I might weigh in on when the enormity of controversial topics began flooding my thoughts. There are some old ones that still bring out passion in people, such as:
School Merger
Tax Increases, and
School Mascots, like the:
Bloomington Raider
Chief Illiniwik, or the
Predecessor of the Pekin Dragons
And some controversies will most likely never leave the list of hotly debated topics, such as the:
Death Penalty
Equal Rights, and
Where freedom of speech begins and ends
Then there are a few that have simply lit up the country in the past year:
The Dream Act
Confederate Flag
Gay Marriage
Standardized Testing, and
Public Pensions
A day does not go by without hearing, reading about, or participating in the controversy of these topics. People are passionate about their views and beliefs and this is often a very positive thing.
When thinking of some of the greatest developments in our country, we can trace the roots of those changes to passionate people who pursued what they believed to be good and right: like the earliest settlers, civil rights activists, and ecologists. In our own community, some our finest gems are the result of passionate people or groups of people…like the Children’s Museum, The Trail, and hundreds of organizations that impressively contribute to the health and welfare of our citizens. So I absolutely believe living with passion is a positive thing with positive results.
However, passion often turns to poison in conversations –even among friends, family, and colleagues. Controversial issues rarely inspire emotional neutrality, and often obliterate civility. To preserve relationships and promote respect, we ALL must monitor when our passion turns to poison or anger. As adults, we could benefit from the lessons we learned as youngsters, like:
- Don’t make it personal
- State your views about the issue, NOT the person
- Use “I” statements instead of “YOU” statements.
- LISTEN to the other person and respect conversation etiquette, and
- Stay calm. Monitor your volume, tone, body language, and whether you’re so wound up your spit is flying!
These are all huge challenges for passionate adults. These ideas are easily said, but not easily lived.
Maybe this simple operating principle learned from a friend will be easier to recall during moments of passionate disagreement… we must learn to disagree, WITHOUT being disagreeable….
Mary Kay Scharf is the Director of Principal Leadership in the Bloomington Public Schools. A Clinton native, she was a teacher for 7 years and has been a principal and school administrator for the past 26 years. She is a volunteer for multiple community organizations, most passionately for the Not In Our Town initiative. The proud mother of 3 and grandmother of one, Mary Kay lives in Normal with her husband, Jamie.
The opinions expressed within WJBC’s Forum are solely those of the Forum’s author, and are not necessarily those of WJBC or Cumulus Media, Inc.
