By Arlene Hosea
Recently, a young woman near and dear to me learned that her father did indeed have cancer. She knew that there was a 99% chance that it was cancer but of course wanted a different outcome. Not only did the physicians confirm that he had cancer, they also informed him that he had about six months to live.
To say she was devastated would be an understatement! I think her heart momentarily stopped beating as the air left her body; this was her dad, her idol and hero. The love that she feels for him is very deep and their bond is one of the tightest I have ever seen. After the days of tears, the acceptance of the truth, and knowledge that the treatments would be difficult and painful for him, she determined that she could not just sit back and let cancer be the center of their universe and rule the time that is most precious. She decided to celebrate her father’s life and planned to start the New Year 2016 by hosting a friends and family get together with him. She posted it on Facebook and gave it a name that you see associated with cancer these days. She wanted to make her father and his life the focus and kick cancer to the side although she knew it would be with them from now on.
Then something happened! Some who were invited posted comments on Facebook that shocked me and nothing really shocks me anymore. The comments were mean, judgmental and insensitive; besides totally unnecessary. I wish those that had to respond negatively would have thought before they posted their comments. I wish that they would have thought about how brave this young woman was being at a time when cancer has control of everything and she was trying to disarm cancer in her own way and focus on her father. I wish they would have just clicked “cannot attend.” But something in their psyche, in their head and in their soul thought that their opinion mattered more than this person facing the death of her father. I have not seen the playbook for cancer… I do not know the etiquette for what is acceptable or not acceptable when cancer visits your home, family or friends.
What I do know is that we need to engage our heads and hearts more and understand that cancer impacts people differently. If cancer visits our life, we will be able to make decisions about how we approach it, but until then, we must allow others to face cancer the best way they know how.
Arlene Hosea was born and raised in Bloomington. She retired from Illinois State University and is on the Board of Directors for Special Olympics Illinois. She has also served on the Town of Normal Human Relations Commission, The Baby Fold and the YWCA Board of Directors. Arlene resides in Normal.
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