By Sally Pyne
My 26th wedding anniversary is today. Not bad for two people that had been married previously. We were not sure we’d be lucky enough to have that many years together. Each of us had been married about 10 years before—so 26 years plus 10 more each equals 46 years of marriage, right?—time served!
June 26 marked the three year anniversary of legal same-sex marriage nationwide when the united states supreme court ruled in Obergefell v. Hodges that state-level bans on same-sex marriage are unconstitutional. The court ruled that the denial of marriage licenses to same-sex couples and the refusal to recognize those marriages violates due process and the equal protection clauses of the fourteenth amendment of the United States constitution. I always admired couples that refused to marry each other until all couples that wished to marry had the same right. Sometimes I wish I’d thought of that 26—or even 37 years ago.
The month of June is wrapping up and it is traditionally a very popular month of marriages and weddings. Did you attend a wedding this month? Compared to 26 years ago many things have changed—maybe some for the better, maybe some not. At the last one I attended I marveled at the way the couple “made it their own” from the unique and witty wedding program to the reception where each guest wrote a special message to the couple on a jenga puzzle piece. What a wonderful family heirloom and tradition!
Our children are in their twenties and find themselves involved in many such celebrations. I am struck at the differences in traditions of this generation. It use to be that while you were very flattered to be asked to be a bridesmaid, for instance, the cost of buying that dress—that you probably will never wear again–was a burden on a young person’s income. Now you can include the price of the dress along with the travel and expense of the bachelor or bachelorette parties, which are occasionally very far from home. Destination weddings have been in vogue for a while—these also can prevent family and friends from partaking of the celebration due to economic or time constraints. Gifts are expected—even for the bachelorette parties.
Even getting engaged isn’t a simple “ask” anymore. These events are often productions requiring the couples’ families to travel to places like Las Vegas, for instance. This is all done at the surprise of the future bride. Everyone including the photographer—more on that in a minute–are present for the production—but the surprise would be on everyone else if she said “no,”—wouldn’t it?
All of these events require photography of course. I am certain that social media prevalence contributes to this. A mother-of-the-bride-to-be told me that many photographers will include “the ask” pictures and the formal engagement pictures as part of the wedding day package.
Finally, since about anyone can get ordained on the internet you will find a variety of family members and friends performing this role in the wedding ceremony. No wonder then, when this same mom said the minister fees would set her daughter back $500. The couple shopped around and found someone for $250. Didn’t it used to be “free” and you discreetly slipped them $50 in an envelope?
Maybe the more things change, the more they –well, get more expensive and “shared” on the internet i guess! All in all, it has been a great 26 years honey—here’s to 26 more!
Dr. Sally Pyne is a retired educator who has lived in the Bloomington-Normal community all but 5 of her 50-plus years. She is married to Ed who is editor and publisher of the Normalite newspapers and they are parents of two grown daughters.
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