By Laurie Bergner

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. It’s always a special day for me, even when my two grown children aren’t in town, which they usually aren’t, since they live on the east coast. But this year was particularly special for two reasons: first, they were both in town, which was a pleasure. But secondly, my daughter just had her first baby recently, so there we were, three generations of women, two generations of mothers! It is truly something special to see your daughter become a mother.

One thing it has done for me is bring back memories of how difficult it is to be the mother of a baby. It’s so much easier to remember the sweetness, the cuteness of babies than to be in their presence and suddenly their cries trigger memories of how loud and shrill those little ones are when they cry, cries that insist on being comforted, that deprive us of sleep and sometimes of patience. The exhaustion that newborns bring. And the miracle they are.

But truly, I know that this is just the very beginning of a long, difficult and wonderful journey for my daughter, one that is the most involving and fascinating experience of our lives. There is simply no way to know how involved and intense the relationship is with our children until we have them. Is it the fact that they are ours, our flesh and blood? Is it the fact that we know that their very lives are in our hands? Is the responsibility we have, deeper than any we’ve ever experienced, for another little person? I don’t know. I only know that we mothers experience their joys and pains deeply, sometimes more deeply than they do themselves. I still remember the pain I felt when my little son was so very hurt that his friend didn’t invite him to his birthday party. I remember it to this day, while he surely forgot it and moved on. The pride we feel when they do well, the anxiety we feel for their first day at school, the thrill we feel when they complete their first swim across a pool or get an award for something at school. There is surely no other person in our lives with whom we are so completely entwined, so involved in every aspect of their lives.

I am anxious to see what kind of person my little granddaughter will be as she blossoms into a real little person. I am looking forward to watching my daughter, who has already become a lovely mother in just two months’ time, develop as her daughter develops, coping with every stage as it unfolds. Experiencing the anxieties and joys of motherhood. Learning along with her daughter how to navigate their relationship. I am thrilled for my daughter that she will have the experience of being a mother, a role that will last for the rest of her life.

So I wish my daughter, and all the mothers out there, Happy Mother’s Day!

Laurie Bergner is a clinical psychologist in private practice, working with individual adults, families and couples. She also works with the nonpartisan League of Women Voters, helping organize candidates forums, educational programs, and many issues in the field of law and justice. She has received many recognitions in both fields, including YWCA’s Women of Distinction in the Professions, Leaguer of the Year, LWV Special Project Awards, and the LWV of Illinois’s prestigious Carrie Chapman Catt award. Laurie has a wonderful husband and two grown children – also wonderful. She loves biking in the countryside, reading, and traveling.

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