By Nancy Cruse
Ah the month of May! Graduation, Memorial Day, and Mother’s Day celebrations will fill our weekends. At my house, it’s a bittersweet month.
On May 4th, 20 years ago, my son Adam was stillborn after 40 weeks and 3 days of pregnancy. On May 23rd, just last year, my son Brandon died unexpectedly. Mother’s Day for me is a day of mixed emotions. I am blessed to still have my own mother and I feel for those who don’t – I know Mother’s Day is not easy for them either.
When you’ve lost children, as a mother, your mind tends to go to what you will never have. I never heard Adam laugh or cry, never saw him take his first steps, or get his driver’s license. I’ll never see Brandon get married or be a father. At holidays, like Christmas and Mother’s Day, there is always that tug at your heart that the table is missing a few place settings.
This is motherhood. It’s full of the lowest lows and the highest highs. One thing I know for sure – God has a way of bringing something good out of the bad things that happen to us. If I hadn’t lost Adam 20 years ago, I would not have the faith I have today that has sustained me through life’s challenges. I also know that I have many joys ahead of me as a mother. I am blessed to have 4 living children. Someday, I will see my first child get married and hold my first grandchild. I just got to see my fourth child experience her first prom and am sharing in the excitement of her choosing what college she will attend. My eleven year old youngest child still has lots in store for me, I’m sure! For the fifth time, I get to experience a child navigating through junior high and high school. I get to teach him to drive. Personally, I think teaching children to drive has provided me with plenty of gray hair – I may “Tom Sawyer” this job to one of his older siblings!
Know this Mother’s Day that you have been given a special gift. No one will deny that motherhood can have its sad moments. Were it not for the losses I have experienced I truly believe I would not be able to truly appreciate the everyday blessings that being a mother brings.
This Mother’s Day, as I do every day, I choose to focus on my blessings and be grateful for what I do have. I have six children – 2 of them just happen to reside in heaven with their dad. I have my own mom. I get to spend Mother’s Day with my remaining four children. I have many years of hugs, love, and laughter ahead and for that I am very grateful. I wish for every mother a peaceful heart and a wonderful Mother’s Day.
Nancy Cruse has been part of the Bloomington/Normal community for the past almost 30 years. A widow, with five children, along with her late husband was a small business owner in downtown Bloomington. Now employed by State Farm, Nancy is active in the community, writing the Clare House newsletter and maintaining their Facebook page, hosting an annual Fourth of July Food Drive, a team leader and fundraiser for the Pat Nohl Lupus Walk, and a member of Toastmasters International, as well as volunteering in various capacities at Holy Trinity Church and schools. In her spare time, Nancy likes to run, bike, hike, read, sew, and be a vegetarian who occasionally indulges in a Schooners Tenderloin.
The opinions expressed within WJBC’s Forum are solely those of the Forum’s author, and are not necessarily those of WJBC or Cumulus Media, Inc.
